May Mom of the Month: Ashley
Tell us a little about yourself?
My name is Ashley, I’m a new mom with one daughter named Azuri. I’m a high school college counselor and crazy enough, I started a non-profit while on maternity leave called Women Leading Baltimore (WLB). WLB is an organization that gives high school girls access to the world beyond their neighborhood through mentorship, leadership, and all things girls. A huge piece of our work is connecting girls with professional women in Baltimore to expose them to careers, teach them the importance of social capital and to ignite a yearning for sisterhood in all of us.
What is the best part about being a mom?
The best part about being a mom is when Azuri's tiny hands cup my face and she wraps her arms around me. She chuckles a bit and then runs away. It is in that moment that I am reminded that no matter how overwhelming this journey gets, it's absolutely worth it.
What do you find challenging about motherhood?
The nonexistent balance of motherhood. There's a pressure that I have to be mom all the time.You know dad can go to work, to the gym and there is less pressure to make sure the house is good before he leaves. I don't feel the same sense of freedom. Most of what I do is planned around Azuri. From nap time, to daycare and everything in between.
What’s one thing you had to overcome with being a mother?
One thing I had to overcome with being a mother is lack of self confidence and looking to other people for validation. Now that I get to mother this little brown girl I know how important it is to model the things I ask of her. It isn't enough for me to tell her to be confident and read books that say she can do anything she wants. I must be her first example.
What’s something that’s important to you?
Uninterrupted family time, whether we’re out doing something or in the house. It’s important for us to give Azuri our attention without being distracted.
What effect has the pandemic had on you?
The pandemic was a wake up call to my need to DO! To do and be all the things for everybody from family to friends to my students and colleagues and it was not healthy. I returned to work after maternity leave on January 6th only to be sent home from school on March 13th due to COVID-19. I remember walking into the building 14 weeks after having Azuri wearing heels and I barely made it to my office before they had to come off. All day I kept thinking "what happened to me." This need for validation that I could indeed do and be everything. I started saying no to things to ensure I could get home to my baby as soon as the school day ended. Rest was not something I knew how to do and if I wasn't actively moving I felt I had wasted a day. Crazy, I know. The first half of the pandemic was very overwhelming and draining. I wasn’t able to give everything my attention 100% and it was beginning to show. Looking back on the last 415 days (as of May 2nd) the pandemic was the time I so desperately wanted to spend with Azuri. It was the time I needed to believe that my existence was validation enough.
What inspires you to be the best mom you can be?
My mom, Lisa Vass, inspires me to be the best mom I can be. She is the definition of unconditional love, never ending support and I'm convinced if she found out about some of the crazy stuff I've done she wouldn't believe it. I haven't quite acknowledged her death but I do know that if she was here to meet Azuri she would absolutely love her. My mom sacrificed so much for me and my siblings. She poured so much of herself into us, that motherhood became her identity. I love being a mom and as her legacy she has inspired me to create space outside of motherhood for Ashley to exist.
What will you tell your children about how to be optimistic in today’s world?
You were born more than enough and continue to do your part to leave the world a little bit better than you found it, understanding the burdens of the world are not yours to carry alone.
What are 3 things you can’t live without?
Earrings, my Birkenstocks, and my kitchen... Yes the whole kitchen! It's my happy place.
What would you do if you have 3 hours of no responsibilities?
You could catch me poolside listening to 90s R&B.
What’s one thing you wish another mom would have told you about motherhood?
Do not feel guilty about not breastfeeding. No matter the reason. Period.